beautiful lunacy.

Do you still have your eating disorder?

2012-01-17T21:16:00.000+01:00

Are you really asking me this stupid question, for real? I mean you don't know nothing about this disorder. It's not like a cold, which goes away in a few days. I don't even like to call it disorder cuz I don't see it like a disorder. call it sickness, madness or obsession I don't care I love it to call it perfection cuz my "disorder" going to make me perfect someday, I'm not only talking about the body. my disorder belongs to me, it's a part of my character and my life and nobody is going to take it away from me cuz this so-called "disorder" is the only "person" who punch me in the face and the only person who catch me when I fall...

long time no see

2011-12-20T21:28:00.000+01:00

once again im going to say im back...don't know how long I will stay but I hope that im not going back again. I want that this year is going to end asap.

#2: ...

2011-11-02T23:24:00.004+01:00

via

just tired. going to sleep. good night or for some a good morning or afternoon =)

#1: Project 365: Watch Me Disappear!

2011-11-01T22:30:00.002+01:00

via

01.11.2011

hello lovely birds. It's me Kate Lunacy.

It's been a while since you guys hear something from or about me.

I just want to let you know, that I am still a life and still fighting against myself.

Yeah, as you can read from the title, I'm going to start the Porject 365.

This is my first post of 365. Going to blog everyday. Sometimes it's going to be just a picture, video or some crazy writings.

stay tuned!!

Enough is enough.

2011-09-21T19:40:00.000+02:00

enough is enough.
everytime I see my weight on the scale I really want to purke.
I can't understand why my weight dosent want to get down... Since two weeks I eat salad and only lost 1 kg.

going to fast untill the end of september.

fuck yeah september!

#1: beign thin = perfection!

2011-07-21T16:57:00.013+02:00

Call it sickness,
Call it madness,
Call it obsession,
I don't care,
I still call it perfection.
***

It means a lot to me to become thin again. I don't like the girl in the mirror. I can't identify myself with her, cuz she's fat and very ugly! I hate her face, her thick legs, her thick belly, arms and her fat ass. I really hate her! Never going to like this fat chick in the mirror. She needs to stop eating to become a thin queen that is how she will see all the beautiful bones such as the lovely hipbones. I want to wear the size "thin", to see all my bones, to show everybody that I have the power to control my body or that I have got the discipline to say no to food to get a higher mood! yes I'm sick, yes I'm mad and yes I'm obsessed but I don't care what the people may say about me, cuz I know in the moment when I'm thin, I'm perfect...

An Advice.

2011-07-16T19:39:00.002+02:00

'Don't Cry On Your Birthday' - The Hills

2011-06-25T15:32:00.001+02:00

yesterday was my 20th birthday and yesterday was also the graduation ceremony(I failed the exames) at my school. I didn't go.I stayed at home in my bed. Cyring and hoping to become somebody in this life, in my fucking life. Later I try to distract myself from my sadness and start cleaning my room after that I watched a movie. Nothing special. As a child I thought that your birthday is something special but now I know that you need friends to make this day perfect and unforgettable...

Introducing me: Rainbow Diet

2011-06-14T22:41:00.004+02:00

Going to start blogging some great/hard diets. This is the first post about a very hard diet.

Monday (white):

Breakfast: ½ apple (40.5 cals)

Lunch: ½ apple (40.5 cals)

Dinner: 1 cucumber (24 cals)

Total: 105 cals

Tuesday (yellow):

Breakfast: 1 banana (108.5 cals)

Lunch: 1 banana (108.5 cals)

Dinner: ½ cup corn (66 cals)

Total: 283 cals

Wednesday (fast)

Thursday (orange):

Breakfast: ½ orange (31 cals)

Lunch: ½ orange (31 cals)

Dinner: 1 carrot (26 cals)

Total: 88 cals

Friday (red):

Breakfast: ½ cup strawberries (21.5 cals)

Lunch: ½ cup strawberries (21.5 cals)

Dinner: ½ red pepper (16 cals)

Total: 59 cals

Saturday (purple/blue):

Breakfast: 10 blueberries (8 cals)

Lunch: 10 blueberries (8 cals)

Dinner: 10 raspberries (24 cals)

Total: 40 cals

Sunday (green):

Breakfast: ½ cup grapes (57 cals)

Lunch: ½ grapes (57 cals)

Dinner: 1 cup lettuce (7 cals)

Total: 121 cals

Week total: 696 cals

visit my tumblr: http://beautifulcage.tumblr.com

ghost hands.

2011-06-13T16:36:00.005+02:00

they won't to see us, they won't believe in us, hiding all their insecurities

there's a drumming noise inside their heads
that starts when we are around
they turn it off, but they can't erase the feeling

under their chest...

hello followers. how are you? I hope you doing well.

I don't feel very good, cuz I FAILED my final exam.

yes it's true. don't know what going to happend next.

the bad luck is following me wherever I go, its scary.

everything I touch turns into dust...

five days on the scale, wanna join me? II

2011-06-09T14:25:00.000+02:00

Copy this picture and paste it to your blog post or tumblr. This shows, that

you joing the "five days on the scale" with me. I'm, we, going to start

on the 16th June 2011 - 20th June 2011.

Please make a comment, if you attend the diet/game.

***

You have to take a picture of your scale with your weight everyday

and have to put it online to your blog/post.

The person who lose the most weight, will get an award!!!

short messages with fat meanings.
Follow me on Twitter @skinnylunacy

Upgrade U.

2011-06-08T15:50:00.012+02:00

I'm getting upgraded! yes. now, everybody with a mobilephone can use the mobile version of this blog. It's easier to use and you can be up to date about my life at any time, and any place. It's true I am a tumblr user too. You can find my tumblr under this adress: www.beautifulcage.tumblr.com

At my tumblr you will find some great thinspiration pictures, motivation lines and other great things. stay tuned listeners & helping hands!

I'm a tiger!

2011-06-02T20:54:00.004+02:00

Risin' up,back on the street

Did my time, took my chances

Went the distance, now I'm back on my feet

Just a man and his will to survive

So many times, it happens too fast

You change your passion for glory

Don't lose your grip on the dreams of the past

You must fight just to keep them alive

It's the eye of the tiger, it's the thrill of the fight

Risin' up to the challenge of our rival

And the last known survivor stalks his prey in the night

And he's watchin' us all with the eye of the tiger

Face to face, out in the heat

Hangin' tough, stayin' hungry

They stack the odds 'til we take to the street

For the kill with the skill to survive

Eye of the Tiger - Survivor

My camara broke yesterday, going to get a new one on monday. stay tuned. 16 days on the scale.
xoxo, kate lunacy.

hello june. hello summer. hello motivation?

2011-06-01T21:55:00.001+02:00

I weight myself today. horror. just a disaster. going to take a picture of my scale every day till the 21nd June.

Here some great thinspirations:

under the sheets

2011-05-23T20:15:00.003+02:00

show me your world. teach me how to fly, I want to touch the sky.

always in your heart, with you I feel so smart. your voice leaves me breathless, everytime.

without you by my side, I can't smile. you make me speechless when you talk to me.

I'm addicted to your kisses. take my hand and show me your world.

hypnotize me with your great eyes. under the sheets we are a masterpiece...

I'm going to start fasting tomorrow for six days.

I really really really need to clean up my body

from all the food.

You will be informed, stay turned.

xoxo, love you.

leggo.

2011-05-21T13:58:00.002+02:00

thank you.

2011-05-13T20:26:00.000+02:00

im back. going to write more. need to talk. need to visit other blogs.

need to make a lot of comments. need a virtual life. I just need you.

blogger!!!

2011-05-13T19:08:00.003+02:00

okay I'm starting to hate blogspot/blogger. they had an update and everything you changed during the 33h is now gone. my new layout is gone. going to change is again. i hope blogger will not make an update again.

#01

2011-05-05T20:25:00.000+02:00

I'm lying on my bed and thinking about my ED, my blog and my current life. in one month i'm turning twenty. i can't believe it. i just want to be sixteen again. sixteen. naive and just a cute girl. a girl who believe in magic and love. a sixteen year old girl with a gypsy heart. that would be such a great time, but now i'm going to turn twenty. i am not really happy about that... it's crazy, I should be happy about that but I can't. I just want to be perfect at my birthday. that means I should lose more that 10kg within one and a half month. this time im gonna reach my aim, because i feel fine and a bit pretty.

WHO AM I? I DONT KNOW!!

2011-04-28T01:40:00.002+02:00

I CAN'T BE THE PERSON I WANT TO BE!!! I'M SICK AND TIRED OF TRYING TO PRETEND TO BE THE PERSON THAT I WANT TO BE!!! WHO AM I? I DONT KNOW!!

plz, don't call me selfish. i'm going to answer and visit your blog asap.

thank you!

2011-04-20T09:41:00.001+02:00

thank you for all your lovely words.

thank you for all your support.

thank you for believing in me.

thank you for the great time.

thank your for listining.

thank you.

Am I going to fail?

2011-04-17T16:34:00.002+02:00

I am running out of breath. Just two steps left. Looking back over my shoulder. I can see what I have achieved. Am I going to fall? I don't know... Slowly but surely some cold hands touching my warm neck. I'm feeling how the coldness spreading through my body. My movements becoming convulsive. I can't move anymore. I want to show all my sadness but I can't. I must be strong and act like a happy girl. And in the middle of the night my tears are falling down. There's nothing I can make to soften the pain. There is no need to act like I'm happy I can be myself in the middle of the night in my dark room. The results haven't come in yet but I know that I failed. I failed all four exames. My feelings never lie to me. I'm not referring to emotions such as sadness or happiness, nor am I talking about sixth sense. Sometimes I'm in the know about some situation. I know how it going to end up...

Why?

2011-04-08T19:25:00.000+02:00

Why am I who I am?
Why do I think the way I think?
Why do I behave this way?
Does everybody see me as I do?
Why do I feel the way I do?

I'm afraid.

2011-04-05T01:05:00.003+02:00

I'm back and I have a lot to tell about my grande peur.

eat. love and pray.

2011-03-19T20:25:00.001+01:00

thank you guys for all the lovely comments and your great support. going to blog often about my feelings and eating habits. kiss♥ and don't forget: PRAY FOR JAPAN!!!

2011-03-11T20:09:00.002+01:00

pray for japan.

...soya-rice drink and cookies!

2011-03-10T19:15:00.003+01:00

this is what I ate today. yummy. some cookies/biscuits and circa a liter/litre of soya-rice milk. totally love the soya drink, because it has less calories than milk and it brings the appetite down. The soya drink is to be recommended. A great replacement for milk and a beginning of a wonderful vegan diet. Im tyring to change my eating habits. Not gonna be a strict vegan but I'm going to avoid "liquid" milk like ice, yoghurt or milk :). Maybe someday I'm going to be a vegan?. I don't know. stay tuned. kiss.

sometimes connections never die

2011-02-24T20:01:00.003+01:00

dear then-best friend, where are you? It's been a while since I've seen your face. do you still live in your place or move away? If you moved, how far away from my life? I was hannah and you miley. we were like twins. we laughed about the same things. you promised to heal me if I cry, was that a lie? Yes it was, cuz my tears never dry. I often think about our time. Do you remember me? Well, I'd never want to see you unhappy I thought you'd want the same for me. The scars speaks for itself. I felt and you where not around. While I was dying on the floor you was just a lil' whore. honey, I don't know how I did it, but I moved on. But thank you for making me laugh when I'd almost forgotten how to. I will never forget you. before you left you said : "sometimes connections never die"

Thinspiration: mixed

2011-02-21T19:34:00.001+01:00

(really love this pic. the girls have got some really long and thin legs <3)

yummy?

2011-02-11T00:09:00.002+01:00

good morning, good evening or just hello. do you see the picture of the food? that's what I ate yesterday (10 january 2o11). Just a sauce with paprika, tuna and pastaaa, a low calories meal. gonna try to upload, whener I can, some pictures of my meal. I can't sleep, it's 00:08. At that time I should be in my bed, but I'm here. I not gonna weight myself today. I don't weight myself yesterday. I don't weight myself for weeks now. I'm really scared! I hope you guys gonna have a great weekend. have fun and eat less.

xoxo, kate lunacy.

Forgive me followers, for I have sinned !!!

2011-02-09T13:57:00.002+01:00

yeah. it's true, I have sinned. please, hate me. I ate a half of this shit*klick*.

I'm never going to be your thinspiration just you fatspiration. Stay turned

guys.I'm going to the gym.

xoxo. love you.

I felt it.

2011-02-01T19:31:00.002+01:00

No one saw through my games...

2011-01-28T20:17:00.003+01:00

“I told another lie today

And I got through this day

No one saw through my games

I know the right words to say

Like “I don’t feel well”

“I ate before I came”

-----

I weighed myself today. It was a terrible feeling, a feeling I'm used to. A feeling which build my character, followed me into my dreams, my nightmares and make me cry without tears. I live a life where nobody can see through me, know my hands, before I play and where the most of the time the sky is gray. Going to climb my goal, to control my soul. At the end of february I'm gonna reach 54kg(120lbs). Next week I'm going to write some exams in art, german, history and maths. Wish me luck, guys.

I hope you have got a great day, <3

kate lunacy.

edit: sorry I meant february not march.

tyrin' to write a rap lyrics.

2011-01-23T00:00:00.003+01:00

See you told me I would lose but I won, I see myself in a skinny gown. Can you hear my stomach growl? tomorrow, no more than 350cals. I'm not provoking but I love hating. I can't touch my stupid meal cuz' my hands are frozen. iced like my whole water bottles. wow, I can hear my fat melting....
ps: I'm back!!!

11th day of the year 2011

2011-01-11T23:06:00.001+01:00

hey guys. I wish you a happy new year, may all your dreams and aims come true. 2011, here we are. can you believe it? whatever. sorry for my abstinence. I wasn't sick or something... call it a writer's block, I think this describes my current situation very well. just follow me at twitter: @skinnylunacy

there you will find some random stuff during my day. I hope my writer's block goes away very soon. see ya.

xoxo, the fat beached whale!!!

Happy (belated) Christmas...

2010-12-28T18:23:00.000+01:00

yes, a happy belated Christmas to all my followers. I wasn't at home, that is the reason I didn't blog. how was your holidays? I spent my "great" holidays at my aunties home. we didn't eat a lot buw I know, that I put on weight. I'm gonna weight myself in 2011 again.

I don't hate you 'cause your fat.

2010-12-14T20:01:00.003+01:00

I hate the way you talk to me

While you eat a snickers

And the way you stare at me

When my stomach growl

I hate the fact that you are a size L

And find more dresses than I

And I'm a fuckin' size S

I hate it when I look fatter than you

Even if the scale says something different

But mostly I hate the way you don't

give a damn about your body

I don't hate you because your fat

I hate you 'cause your're happy with

your fat body

written by kate lunacy

2010-12-07T22:56:00.000+01:00

I FAILED.

totally true.

2010-12-06T20:09:00.003+01:00

everyone has three lives

2010-12-04T20:49:00.002+01:00

yeah, it's fucking true that everyone has three lives: a public life, a private life and a secret life. In my public life I'm must be the strong girl, who never shed a tear, a girl who must smiles while she's crying, a girl who never eat in public. in my private life I try to be a good girl, a perfect daughter a beautiful human. but sometimes these things don't work, because it's very hard to be or to pretend to be PERFECT, that's the reason I call my secret life the unperfect life. my secret life plays solely in my head. nobody knows about my thoughts. while I'm in my secret life I am who I am, the most time a angle with broken wigs or a beach whale. these are the things I do in my secret life: I strave, eat like a pig, take a lot laxative, do a lot of sport, weigh myself sometimes 20 times a day, wake up at night to do some exercise, vomit after a gross snack attack, blogging about my feelings, hate myself with every bite, try to control my eating habits, drink a lot of tea, hate and love the feeling of straving, counting the calories, hating the way some people eat, sometimes I am a veggie at otherdays I am a vegan, hating the mirror, protocol my fucking weight, lying to be perfect and being lost in the world...

you are a winner.

2010-12-03T18:10:00.005+01:00

In gratitude for joined the "five days on the scale" and for your stamina, Cora & Charlie, I'm, kate lunacy, giving you an award. You guys deserved it. :) For all those girls who don't join or have to quite the "diet" are also winners.

ONE YEAR AND ONE DAY!

2010-11-30T17:49:00.002+01:00

Happy Birthday Beautiful Lunacy.

I can't believe that my blog is one year old. Time passed by so fast. The reasons I started blogging about my ED were because in my real life I have nobody to talk to and I also needed some helping hands. With this Blog I stuffed the wide gap in my life. I really want to say thank you for your support. Without you guys I am nothing. You are the one who gave me the power. I really want to say thank you. I totally love you guys. I hope you will still supoort me in all the things I do. 193 listeners and helping hands after one year, you guys kill me ♥

for 28/11/2010

2010-11-29T19:24:00.002+01:00

forget to change the scale to lbs. it will be around 133 lbs.

131.8 lbs

2010-11-27T19:48:00.003+01:00

got to go to a birthday party today. wish me luck!!!

suchs a loser!!!

2010-11-26T15:19:00.007+01:00

25 nov 2010

132.8lbs - 60.3kg

26 nov 2010

132.8lbs - 60.3kg

same as yesterday :(
Ps: thanks guys for your lovely words but I still see me as a loser.

short messages with fat meanings.
Follow me on Twitter @skinnylunacy

24 Nov 2010 "5-d.o.t.s."

2010-11-25T16:11:00.003+01:00

sorry guys, I'm kinda busy right now.

I'm gonna write just a short message.

This is my weight/scale picture from yesterday.

I know, I had a fat ass!

stay tuned, kate lunacy.
61kg//134lbs

I'm totally sorry for my weight... currently I'm your anti-inspiration.

five days on the scale, wanna join me?

2010-11-22T00:20:00.004+01:00

Copy this picture and paste it to your blog. This shows, that

you joing the "five days on the scale" with me. I'm, we, going to start

on the 24st Nov 2010 - 28th Nov 2010.

Please make a comment, if you attend the diet/game.

***

You have to take a picture of your scale with your weight everyday

and have to put it online to your blog/post.

The person who lose the most weight, will get an award!!!

short messages with fat meanings.
Follow me on Twitter @skinnylunacy

Weekly Thinspiration: mixed.

2010-11-20T20:49:00.001+01:00

Success Through Discipline

2010-11-15T19:27:00.001+01:00

we need to be Determined to reach your aims. we need to be Inspired by ourselves. never rush. Step-by-step. Calories controls our lives. our slogan: "I wanna be your thinspiration". without Planing we'll never achieve our aims. Let's start today, everyday is a new start. think: "I wanna be thin" we should Never give up. we not going to Eat today.

Your Song

2010-11-15T00:54:00.002+01:00

And you can tell everybody

This is a song

And maybe quite simple but

Now that is done

I hope you don't mind

That I put down in words

How wonderful life is

Now you are in the world.

Ellie Goulding - Your Song

THE SCALE SAID

2010-11-13T13:04:00.005+01:00

weight: 134 lbs // 61 kg

mood: very sad and highly motivated

weather: a typical german autumn day.

catchy tune: Vashti Bunyan - Swallow Song

I don't know what to say. I'm fat. totally fat. never believed that I'm gonna reach the 6 again. the strange thing about my increase is that I don't really see it (although it may seem absurd 'cause I gain 5 kg ). my clothes fits normally(still can wear xs and s). today I'm gonna eat no more that 300 cals. I need to become disciplined. no more snack attacks. snack attacks lead to a heavy increase. I want to be your role model. never want to fail again. until the middle of december I wanna reach 54kg /119 lbs. I know I can do it and I'm sure you guys can do it too.

short messages with fat meanings.
Follow me on Twitter @skinnylunacy

I want to start a new life.

2010-11-10T15:34:00.008+01:00

I want to change it greatly and would start with my attitude. I want to be positiv and happy about every little good things that happening in my life and stop caring what people may think about me. It is going to be hard to stop caring what other think of me because it dominated my life. my whole life. I want to change my personality. become a funny, nice smart girl. a girl everybody loves. a girl how can be your thinspiration.

thank you so much for your comments.

you can follow me on twitter: skinnylunacy

When nothing goes right...

2010-11-09T21:06:00.006+01:00

what I'm supposed to do? My school grades are bad. totally bad. I don't know what I should do. this week my teacher wants to talk to me. I really feel uncomfortable. I hate it to be dumb. I really hate it. I don't want to go to school anymore... nothings goes right. my weight is a mess and I am temporaily a moody person. what will the future be like? Am I gonna get my graduation?

our dream.

2010-11-03T15:53:00.007+01:00

it's a new start. all I really know is there's something in my heart. we should never let go our dreams. we have an aim. we gonna reach it. I can see our smile while we stand on the scale.

I'm stayin'

2010-11-02T15:17:00.005+01:00

coldness running through my veins

nobody can't see my pain

the poision spread like a travelling train

I know I should go

but I can't...

I'm stayin'

Pictures I really love... Part I

2010-10-16T22:10:00.002+02:00

thanks for your lovely answers!!! gonna replay soon. have you guys twitter - thoughts?

nothing else matters.

2010-10-06T19:19:00.004+02:00

I'm gonna strave (a week long) in my autumn holiday
and nothing else matters.

ps: i'm back!

like a parasite

2010-10-05T19:26:00.002+02:00

There are somedays you are undisziplin: you eat a large quantity of food in a relatively short period of time and then vomit. you still feel dirty, even if your stomach is empty. empty like a trash bin. you hate yourself for what you had done in the bathroom. it's your secret which kills you from inside. like a parasite... it sucks all your energy away. you feel weak, but you don't want to give up. varying between extrems and your scale.

-lost in my lunacy

don't worry...

2010-08-22T20:02:00.002+02:00

I was in the hospital for a month and more. It had nothing to do with my eating disorders. Don't worry, I'm healthy. My hospital stay have got one good thing and one bad thing. So the good thing is that I lost some weight, the bad thing: I HAVE TO QUITE THE ABC.

8. Day: 400 calories

2010-06-29T00:58:00.002+02:00

The ABC diet is going well. It's very good to have everyday a calories limit. Today I just ate muesli and during my break at the work, I ate a mixed salad with bread. After these meals I reached the 400 calories mark. Since I start the ABC I haven't weight myself. After Day ten I'm going to weight myself... Are you satisfied with the diet, how is it going? Tell me every detail ;)

xoxo, kate!

The ABC is our way to perfection.// 1.Day

2010-06-21T21:56:00.007+02:00

Wow, I'm speechless. I never thought that so many

guys would join the ana boot camp diet. Le't do it.

At the middel of the summer we all gonna have a dream body.

Our aim: to become thin. So thin, that we can be thinspirations.

(Everybody can join this diet even when it has

starts.)

The first day of the diet was very nice. I was counting calories, like everyday, ate just one bowl of muesli,

a slice bread with cheese and did some exercises. For me it is very hard to eat exactly 500 calories, because without a snack attack my daily specific number of calories are around 300-400 calories. I hope you lovelies have also got a nice day without snack attack or something like that. The ABC is our way to perfection.

xoxo, kate lunacy.

Members of this diet:
Solveigh
Frankie
Have Faith
JANE_DOE
Lola
Charlie
Rachel
zette

thank you guys for your great support.

I'm doing the ABC with kate lunacy.

2010-06-20T15:36:00.004+02:00

Copy this picture and paste it to your blog. This shows, that

you are joing the abc-diet with me. I'm, we, going to start tomorrow on
the 21st June 2010.

Please make a comment, if you attend the diet.

***

1: 500 calories <- 21st June 2010

2: 500 calories

3: 300 calories

4: 400 calories

5: 100 calories

6: 200 calories

7: 300 calories

8: 400 calories <-28th June 2010

9: 500 calories

10: fast

11: 150 calories

12: 200 calories

13: 400 calories

14: 350 calories

15: 250 calories

16: 200 calories

17: fast

18: 200 calories

19: 100 calories

20: fast

21: 300 calories

22: 250 calories

23: 200 calories

24: 150 calories

25: 100 calories

26: 50 calories

27: 100 calories

28: 200 calories

29: 200 calories

30: 300 calories

31: 800

32: fast

33: 250 calories

34: 350 calories

35: 450 calories

36: fast

37: 500 calories

38: 450 calories

39: 400 calories

40: 350 calories

41: 300 calories

42: 250 calories

43: 200 calories

44: 200 calories

45: 250 calories

46: 200 calories

47: 300 calories

48: 200 calories

49: 150 calories

50: fast

I get an award from Ana Banana.

2010-06-20T15:14:00.001+02:00

Ana Banana has nominated me for the lovely Beautiful Blogger award.

Thank you so much for awarded me this

beautiful award. It gives me power to work on my blog

and myself. It's very hard for me to describe or tell

things about me in facts. That's the reason why, I'm going to tell you guys

in ever post one thing you might never have know

about me. At the end I'll nominated some beautiful blog which I really love.

black lipsticks.

2010-06-18T21:28:00.001+02:00

currently I 'm strong. nothing can knock me down.

in a couple of days, the sommer holidays begins. it's

gonna be great. I'm gonna work hard on my body. I can

almost feel my dream weight. On 21. June I will start the

ABC diet. Feel free to join this diet.

We can do this, we can be strong!!!

a beautiful soul.

2010-05-20T09:30:00.004+02:00

weight: to high // to high

mood: so sad, too sad to describe.

weather: warm

catchy tune: I just enjoy the silence.

hey guys. I failed again. Why am I currently so uncontrolled? Where does all my disciplin go? I can't find the right answer. Please, may you help me to become a perfect girl? A girl who can fly so high that everybody wants to be a little like her. A girl who across the world with thin legs and a beautiful soul. Just a girl who can be happy all the time...

Yes, I want to be perfect . I want to be your thinspiration.

A Day With Cola Light

2010-04-28T20:49:00.003+02:00

weight: to high lbs // to high kg

mood: happier than the other days.

weather: warm > springtime

catchy tune: Agnes - Release Me

Today I eat less than 100 calories. I feel empty and fine. I'm gonna to take on friday some laxative to be pure for the May 2010. It should be a great month to me. I'm gonna to loose more than 5kg next Month. I hope you doing well. Have a great day. STAY TUNED!

xoxo, kateeee.

AGAIN!

2010-04-27T14:51:00.003+02:00

I apologize for my absence...AGAIN! I don't know why but my life change to a bad way. Since eight days I eat, eat and eat. It becomes to a addiction. And every night I cry, cry and cry.Currently my school grades are very bad. It seems to me that this year my school report will be terrible. very terrible!! During my absence I realized that I really need the writting and the listener. Thanks for supporting me.

the nostalgic thinspiration.

2010-04-12T19:07:00.002+02:00

2010-04-08T23:59:00.002+02:00

Hello lovely friends,

I hope you doing well. Currently I feel very sad. Sad is not the right word, I can't

describe it. It's something between sadness and happiness. The one thing I know

about my feelingchaos is that I sank again into my depressions and nobody are able

to help me, because nobody knows it...

Maybe my enemy, the scale infected my brain?! Destroyed all my happiness

which I had found back during the spring break/ easter holidays.

xoxo, kate.

2010-04-07T21:03:00.002+02:00

Hey guys today I will answer some

questions which you asked me here or

send me as a mail.

What is your goal weight?

47kg and than back to my lw: 44kg

Why are blogging about your ED?

I need listeners and the feeling that I talk/write

about my moods makes me feel better.

I don't see any weight lose, why?

I have a lot of big snack attacks,

which led to yo-yo effect.

Where do you get your pictures from?
flickr.com, blogspot.com and tinypic.com

I'm struggle everyday with myself. Sometimes I win, sometimes I lose!

i'm still alive.

2010-03-29T15:31:00.007+02:00

weight: 125.1 lbs // 56.7 kg

mood: neutral

weather: its cold but kind of sunny and warm

catchy tune: Lady GaGa - Telephone

Hey guys. Sorry for my long absent. Now I'm back and going

to be a good blogger, who blogs at least two

post a week. Currently I'm at home, have easter holidays and

just going to work or lying in the sofa or in the

bed to read. Sometimes I feel really bored but what should I do?

Next Week I'll go to the gym. Before the school begings I will reach

the 54kg /119 lbs mark.

Ps: You can ask me anything, don't be shy.... =)

the starving beach whale.

2010-03-09T21:09:00.014+01:00

weight: 126.3 lbs // 57.3 kg

mood: happy and a bit tired

weather: it was very sunny today but now it's dark, snowy and cold.

catchy tune: Daniel Merryweather- Change

I have got nine days to finished my skilled work/seminar paper. My class and some other classes don't have to go to school for three days. Our teachers give us the time to finish or start the seminar paper. Today was the first day of my three free days and I start writing my work, on the day before I went to the library where I borrow some books about the rainforest. At the moment I'm very happy. Very happy. I love it when I can stay at home and don't need to go to school. Yes, I really love holidays. It's so relaxing. By the way, I quit the ABC, because it lead me to some really bad snack attacks. Don't lost any weight therefore I gained weight. Currently I weight exactly 126.3 lbs/57.3 kg. I feel like a whale. A big beach whale. But I'm strong. Today I don't went to the supermarket, left there 20 euro and come home with a lot of junk food, which I eat and don't puke it out, sometimes I puke it out, but not everytime. Today I eat nothing... It's a great feeling. You know what I'm talking about... How was your day? How does it feel for you to strave?

***

Everythings gonna be okay

2010-03-03T18:41:00.002+01:00

Never gonna give up,

I live my life,

Feel better each and every day,

Im not gonna quit so there

Sick of this Shhht so there

Never gonna give up,

I live my life,

Feel better each and every day,

yea,

Everythings gonna be okay,

yea,

Everythings gonna be okay

lyrics: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3IrHee0ih_4

nothing special...

2010-02-24T22:16:00.002+01:00

I'm very tired today, and tomorrow's going to be worse as today, because I have to stay till afternoon at school. Next month I'm going to start with the ABC again, because this month was a little complicated. My mother was the most time at home, this means: control. I hate it, you hate it and we all hate control. The relationship between me and my mother is very strong. I really love her and hate her at the same time. Back to Topic: At the end of March I'm gonna weight 111 lbs. I'm strong. I can handle it. The first week of March will be very stressful but when the holiday starts I'm free... Free like a bird. No more learning and getting up early in the morning. A beautiful dream, which become true in 3 Weeks.

What are your goals for March 2010?

stay tuned.

kate.

all day along.

2010-02-19T19:16:00.004+01:00

Sometimes you can put your whole emotions into one sentence or

maybe one word:

I always feel fat.

GoodBye

2010-02-15T19:39:00.006+01:00

I don't know how I can explain it to you. It's unfair, totally wrong and not correct. Realizing that someone lives my dream broke my heart. It broke my heart very deep, but now I'm okay. I'M OKAY, DON'T WORRY ABOUT ME. I don't want to dream my dream anymore I want to live my fucking dream. Oh guys, it's so complicated and I'm sorry that I'm just talking all the time about my "problems". Yes, I got my issues but somewhere out in the world someone has got bigger problems that me. It's over, no more postings about my depressions... So, hello guys, I'm going to change my life and get my bad moods under control. Become more ambitious concerning my aims, not going to break any of my resolutions for 2010, these are just a few a my new aims/changes. This year will be my year. All my dreams will come true. I know that, because I’m working on it right now. Yeah and this blog is a part of my new ego.

This blog BEAUTIFUL LUNACY should be a place and a thing that makes me smile and happy all the time. Have you ever asked yourself why this blog called beautiful lunacy? It’s a secret I’ll never tell. Just kidding, I’ll tell you this in another time. As a blogger you should take every opportunity

to say thank you to all your readers: I love you guys for all your comments!!!!

Thank you sooo much.

a big kiss from kate to you all.

#11.02.10 - I'll keep you in mind.

2010-02-11T22:49:00.004+01:00

Why, Alexander McQueen, just give us a hit to

understand your suicide? R.I.P.

You'll never die in my eyes and in my heart.

kate loves you.

2010-02-05T21:40:00.003+01:00

It's just a phase, maybe? I don't know. When was the last time I was really happy?

Chrismas, some days before chrismas, I can't remeber. Yes, I siking into depression.

Since 2010 I feel and think different. Aking my self what I have reached in my life.

Nothing. In two years I become 20. I really wish I can turn back the time. I will change

a lot. Can't say what but I will take some different ways....

I hope you are doing well

sorry for the short post...

My World.

2010-02-01T12:14:00.009+01:00

Follow me into my world.

This month I going to update my blog every second day. During my non-attendance

I realized how much I need you listeners and helping hands. I will nevermore leave this

blog so long alone.

Thank you.

Try to learn something about me – Part II

2010-01-26T21:08:00.002+01:00

A day in the year 2004

Dear Diary,

how are you? I’m fine. Okay I’m not. I’m lying. I feel very sad. When did that stop? Will it ever stop?
While I am writing into you, my tears rolling down my cheeks. I know you don’t like the teardrops in my face but my tears are just falling like a waterfall. I’m not able to take it anymore. It is hard to hear every day that you are ugly. It make me more that sad. It’s very difficult to describe how I feel. You know that I never felt beautiful because of my pimples, my hair and my weight respectively my figure, okay I had lost more than 12kg but I’m not at my aim. They should stop saying that I’m ugly. I know that already. Looking into the mirror is not easy for me. To see a monster is awful.

[A translated copy of my diary - in the year 2004 ]

Help Haiti! - you can make a different!

2010-01-20T22:42:00.006+01:00

Well, by now I'm sure you all know about the earthquake that happend in Haiti.

At the moment many aid agencies are in Haiti to provide the victims with food, water

and medicines. You can do your part to help too. Make a difference and donate to help

the humans in Haiti.

Here I listed some aid agencies:

USA:

http://yele.org/

http://www.redcross.org/

http://www.cnn.com/SPECIALS/2007/impact/

Texting Donation:

Red Cross: Text HAITI to 90999 ($10 donation)

UNICEF: Text UNICEF to 20222 ($10 donation)

Clinton Foundation: Text HAITI to 20222 ($10 donation)

Yéle Haiti: Text YELE to 501501 ($5 donation)

United Way: Text HAITI to 864833 ($5 donation)

Germany:

RTL:

http://www.rtl.de/cms/unterhaltung/spendenmarathon/aktuelles/hilfe-fuer-erdbebenopfer.html

uNICEF

http://www.unicef.de/

DRK:

http://www.drk.de/news/meldung/3100-zwischenbilanz-internationale-rotkreuzhilfe-in-haiti.html

source: http://www.cnn.com/SPECIALS/2007/impact/

and google.com / google.de

PS: I already donated 20€ = 28 US-Dollar

Try to learn something about me – Part I

2010-01-15T00:04:00.005+01:00

Hello listeners and helping hands,

I'm back! I totally hope that you are doing well. Ok, I promised you on my last
post that you are going to find a special article here on my blog. You will. Here we go!

Have you ever gave your all and miserably failed at the end?
Fallen so deep, so deep that you can’t get up?
Do you ever feel like a piece of crap?
Surrounded by people you just don’t belong and no one understands you?
Have you ever understand the meaning of love?
Trusted a person blindly that you hold on to a pillow tight?
Have you ever sworn yourself to claim never this mountain again?
Somebody pinch you while you have a beautiful nightmare
Awoke in a beastly world where the divide between rich and poor is bigger than the sky?
The red sky is looking down and crying…
***

It should be mine. My lovely thing where I can write all my thoughts,
stick some great picture in it or just draw beautiful and funny images…
Oh it should be my thing. I wrote down
everything that comes to my mind. It was great. I loved it like my own child.
It was my child. This child knew everything about me. We laughed, cry, sing
and suffered together. It loved me and I loved it. We were a perfect team,
so in love like Bonnie and Clyde and just so strong like
a supernatural human. I was young and naïve, because I thought we were
going to be always together. But ya we were a perfect team, until that day
omes which changed everything.From the moment of you were no more
my baby, I lost all my feelings for you, couldn't trust you anymore, I couldn’t
even look at you, because somebody had opened you and read our secrets.
He read it.

My brother read my lovely diary…

A little break...

2010-01-09T12:26:00.003+01:00

Sorry I haven't blogged in a while...

I'm sick and feeling very bad but I must have to go to school because I'm going to

write an exam on Thursday. Lying in bed and study thats my whole daily routine.

So for a few days I'm not goning to blog. On the 15.01.10 you will found here on my

blog a very special article. Have fun, stay strong and tuned!

in love, kate.

all my love, kate

goodbye 2009

2010-01-03T19:15:00.006+01:00

hope you all had an amazing new year eve. I went to a friend for a couple of hour,

later me and my whole family were at my aunts house. It was very funny but the food sucks. At my aunties house is very hard to say no. You must eat. What did you do at the 31. December

2009? How was the food, your control and disciplin?

Here are some pictures I totally love today:

(I really love this pictures. It shows a lot of happiness and a very strong friendship)

*RrRrresolutions forRrr 2o1o

2009-12-31T17:53:00.001+01:00

# To get under 100 lbs

# Learn more for school

# Get a good school certificate

# Doing often sport

# Get an I-pod Touch XD

# Make photos of myself

# to get the driving licence

# ?!? What's your resolutions for 2010?

New motto: I'd rather spend money for new clothes

than for food.

My Year 2009 in WORDS.

2009-12-31T17:38:00.001+01:00

This year was so shit. I won and lost at the same time.

Just as I reached the 106 lbs/48kg mark my parents force me to eat.

They hid my scale. (To be without scale is very hard. I never wanted to

be in that situation again. But I'm not stupid. After 4 Days without

scale I buy me one and hid it under my bed.)

I gained within a few weeks more than 10 lbs/4 kg. After that gain I

Iost my mind for two weeks and ate everything. So after that eating

weeks I weighed 124 lbs. How awful! During this one month, I weight

123 lbs/55kg - 110 lbs/49kg. Currently I weigh 117,1lbs/53.1 kg.

This is the last day of 2009 and I'm so happy. Next year I gonna

fly so high. I will fight for my dreams. The time is over where I

dreamed a dream, in 2010 I'm going to live my dreams.

So who agree with me? Let's play. Our aim is to get wings, let's play

each other. We all are here for the same reason. Let's support each

other. 2010 is our year. Nobody can steal our dreams...

#311209 - Lace Tights = Love

2009-12-31T15:55:00.004+01:00

Yeah I'm gonna to buy me next year a pair of lace tights.
What do you think about it?

I love this girl (Taylor Momsen). Her outfit is so great.

Yeah love it how Megan Fox wear them with the oversize cardigan.

1. Get up, 2. Survive, 3. Go back to bed.

2009-12-28T21:41:00.009+01:00

I'm sorry mama

I never meant to hurt you

I never meant make you cry

But tonight, I'm sleeping with an hungry stomach

***

I worked from 10:00 - 20:00, it was so stressful. I never thought that the

city gonna be so over crowded. After Chrismas everybody want to spend

their x-mas money. Now I'm happy to be at home in my room in front of the

computer... So I got home and my mother said eat. I said I ate a couple of hours

ago. She believed me. Wow. This happened not everyday, often we have got a

big argument. I hope your day was as goog as my day or even better. Kiss.

Sorry for my short post but I'm tired from work. Stay tuned!

PS. OH MY GOD! 84 FOLLOWRS ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!

I really really appreciate it.

Thanks for all the comments; I'll replay you as soon as possible.

(Maybe tomorrow <3)

#251209 - Have you ever been so lost in a changing room?

2009-12-25T15:37:00.020+01:00

Today:

The snow outside melts, but it's still cold. Outside and in my room. I currently drink a cup of tea, without sugar- Of course not. My parents went to church, I should be there either, but I don't feel very well. I feel too cold. Chrismas. I love it especially the lights, music and the holidays. But I really dislike artificial friendliness. Everywhere you go people wish you a "Happy Chrismas". There is no love behind this sentence. With there monotone voices they destroy the real meaning of this wonderful greeting. The most people, who celebrate

Christmas, associate the word Christmas with food, not me! I can be very lucky, that in my house we don't eat at chrismas to much. It's perfect. Today I just eat a bit of pasta salad, which make me feel very happy. After the Holidays I will post consistently my current weight. My motivation and discipline are high as my

resolutions for the new year. I will stay at home today, I can't go to my aunt, because at her house I must eat. EAT a real x-mas MEAL...

Yesterday:

Have you ever been so lost in a changing room?
Does the first step even though get a belly punch.

The lights are dim, should I be happy? There is no
reason to be happy. This silhouettes in the mirror
is monstrously. Realize that the monster are you...

Just cry. Cry because you are not on your aim.

I wish all my readers and listeners at my blog a Merry Christmas. I'll hope you celebrate this wonderful day with the people you love. Don't forget: The size of the present doesn't matter. The handsome gesture is important and nothing else matters. <3

kate lunacy.

Breaking out of the Cage.

2009-12-23T14:22:00.009+01:00

Yesterday I went into a dream, although I don't

like discos. I closed my eyes on the dancefloor

an forgot all my worries. To care about nothing,

except what song will gonna be played is an

indescribable feeling. Loosing myself in flashing

colors, what a great moment. Everything seemed

like a dream. I skaked my hips to left to and the right.

Carring about what people might think about me,

did not exist. At the morning when I lay in bed and thought

about the last night, I know that the door of the cage

has been opend...

I get an award from CupcakeSniper.

2009-12-20T20:12:00.004+01:00

Lexie, CupcakeSniper awarded me this award <3.

Thank you so much for all your words you leave on my blog
and for the cutest award. Guys be sure to check out her unique blog.

kate lunacy <3

let's share our secrets.

2009-12-16T14:44:00.005+01:00

Someday things will be better
Let's be friends
I trust you and you trust me
Follow me into my world, where
We can share our secrets.
***
Sorry for my short post yesterday. I've been kind of busy lately,
the final week before the holidays are always someway stressful.
This week will be horrible as every other week, because I totally feel
drained for weeks. I don't know where to start... Basically, I am sick
and tired of being alone. I have a lot of acquaintances but no real friends.
I have just found in life that most people are not genuine. Most people
define friends as someone they can use to boost their social life.
They are not genuinely interested in your welfare. Nowdays people
don't have the time and passion to form meaningful friendships.
So most people's friendships are superficial. A lot of people that are
nice but have no friends, have no friends because they seek meaningful
relationships. So do I. True friends in life are just hard to find.
Also, I feel like I am two different people, the person in my head, and the
person that I act like and everyone knows. Everyone knows me as a
strong and tough young girl but no one knows that I am a sensitive weak
girl...

Take care beauties,you got no idea how
much everything means to me. [47 Listeners - thanks.]
kate lunacy.

A Bit Of Christmas Sparkle

2009-12-15T16:56:00.003+01:00

mistletoe, gingerbread cookies, cold nights, glühwein, christmas market,

orderly crowd, cheering crowd, christmas tree, bag of presents....

It's the christmas sparkle that makes it a joyous time of year.

Do you like christmas?

I Will Always Love You.

2009-12-11T21:30:00.010+01:00

It was a wonderful winter morning. Not too

warm and not too cold. I felt the balmy breeze,

which tickled my nose in such a way that I must sneeze.

You asked me if I'm okay - yes.

Everything, oh yes, I remember everything you said

I can't stop looking at the door. Wishing you’d come sweeping

in the way you did before.You promised to heal me if I cry

Where are you? I need you now

I'm holding on to memories and it takes away the pain inside of me

I believe we'll be together

You and me standing in fields of gold, laughing, kissing and

flying.

I know that you may be so far away

But I know that you'll always stay inside my heart...

Comptine D'Un Autre Ete L'Apres Midi

Take Me As I Am.

2009-12-08T18:30:00.021+01:00

Waking up in the morning, my first thought: "Have I put on weight?“

It's a love/hate relationship. Looking in the mirror, I hate what I see.

It kills me. I hate myself with every bite. Eating makes me sad...

Tell me I'm beautiful, don't work. I don't care about inner beauty.

Lost in the mirror..., yeah, I'm lost in the mirror, I'm losing myself in the

darkness and the loneliness is catching me.
Maybe I'm lost, although I know the right way but I cannot go the right way.

Sometimes you must take the wrong way to be happy.I am not willing to

recover, because currently it belongs to me. I’m not a skeleton, but that doesn’t

mean I’m not dying. My Mom thinks I eat more than what I say I do but I don’t,

I can't stop thinking about food, the war in my head makes my strong and also

weak, and I can't stop caring what other people think, or might think, about me...

I hope now that a few of you could understand me.?!

*My Current Clothing Size*:
Tops: XS(34) - S(36)
Trousers: 36 - 38([28 Inch]- [29 Inch])

Thanks for all the comments; I'll replay you as soon as possible.
kate lunacy.

#061209 - The H&M Parcel

2009-12-06T12:45:00.007+01:00

My H&M parcel arrived yesterday. I'm very happy, the parcel contains 13 items.
Here are my favorite items:

A great jeans shorts, I love the washing colour.

I took the size S, because I don't really like tight shirts - I know before,
that this shirt gonna be big.

My reptile leggings,which fits very good with the jeans shorts.

Last but not least, my lovely ankle boots (10,5 cm -4 1/2" Inch )

Do you like my new clothes?! =)

kate <3

#041209 - one sentence

2009-12-04T15:00:00.004+01:00

Sometimes you can put your whole emotions into one sentence or

maybe one word:

I am too tired to keep trying.

ABC, just scream...

2009-12-03T18:08:00.013+01:00

OK- I'm not perfect. I'm not perfect yet. So please teacher don't treat me like a
stupid fat unperfect girl! Telling me that I am not good enough for A-Level don't
make me happier. Mrs. Witch, at the moment I can't hadle my eating disorder with
the school. Everytime I look in a mirror, I think how gross I look. To make homework without thinking of my weight or how much calories I had eaten it's temporally impossible!!! OKAY. This year it's not my year. I hope next year gonna be a great
year for me, concerning my aims: my weight and grades/marks............

BTW:
Yesterday I went to H&M and found this sweet pullover and took two magazines
at home. I really love my new pullover but I can't wear it now...you know why.
(my aim: 100 lbs = 45kg - today: 123lbs = 55kg)

kate!

Last Chance To Get A New Me.

2009-12-02T23:36:00.005+01:00

This is the second day of december, the last month of the year. It's
the last month in 2009. And this year I have to get a new ME - become thin.
I need to fly right now. Flying so high with a smile on my face. Yes, this
is the last month, I can fight. I will survive this fucking last month of
the shitty year. My disciplin and motivation are still very high.

I'm not gonna eat tomorrow...

globalization:.

2009-12-02T22:51:00.007+01:00

I decided to start writing in English and sometimes in German, because everybody should be

able to read my blog. The globalization kicks in.

xoxo, kate.